I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
