I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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