yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
