Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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