ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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