hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
