JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
