Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
