I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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