dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
