just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Green mimosas i think yes
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
