Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
