how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
