can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
