In the future we'll all be gay
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
