Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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