shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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