I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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