i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
