i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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