i think i have two assholes
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
