ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
