Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
