I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
