I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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