the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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