we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
