when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
