he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
