sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
