So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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