I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
