You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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