I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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