my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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