i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
