I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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