i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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