Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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