I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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