I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
