New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
