We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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