i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
