I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
