The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
