I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
