I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
