Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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