I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
