i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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