He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
you made out with another girl for some wings
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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