Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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