So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
